Broken TV

My TV's broken. I can't change the channels from the remote, only from the TV button panel. When I thought about it, I realised that it'd never been oiled. So, I got some oil from my shed, and poured the whole bottle into the set. It hasn't really worked, you could even say that I've worsened the situation, as it no longer turns on. On the plus side, I put new batteries in the remote control, so that now works (I assume - I can't actually test it).

I had a dinner party the other day, although no-one actually came. Here's what I cooked:

"Sticky Pork"

5 x eggs
1 x full bag of flour
1 x cup of orange juice (freshly squeezed)
1289 x Hundreds and thousands
1 x pint of goat's milk (freshly squeezed)
1 x onion.

Place the flour into a bowl, and add the onion. Pour over half the orange juice, and pour the remaining juice down the sink. Put all the eggs in the microwave, and heat on full power until they explode. Mix in the milk, and pour the mixture directly on to the hob. Light the hob, and cook for 8 minutes. Pour on 1148 of the hundreds and thousands, and serve.

Note: If you are unable to get goat's milk, substitute with a jar of salt.